Let me tell you the sometimes painful truth.Couples therapy may not save your relationship but it can open your eyes to the truth.I tried couples therapy before I was divorced after 23 years of marriage.I had already been in therapy for a couple years because I had been abused as a child and now as a marriage partner.My husband was an alcoholic who was great when he didn't drink but a monster when he did.By the end of 23 years,it was more often than not.So,my counselor suggested couples therapy.You are supposed to tell the truth in couple's therapy to try to save the relationship and work out a solution.It does not work if only one partner is willing to be honest.And a person who does not want to change is not going to no matter how much therapy you beg them to get.My husband sat right in therapy and lied about how much he drank,said he was not an alcoholic and when the counselor left the room,asked me "what the hell are you trying to do?"No amount of therapy in this world was going to change his way of living or thinking.That included drinking 4 cases of beer a week and staying drunk from Friday until Sunday night.He would pass out on the couch and actually fall off and NOT wake up because he was so drunk.But in couples therapy,he said he didn't have a problem.Emotional and verbal abuse are the worst tortures in the world to your heart and mind.I am telling you this story because I want all of you to know that a person has to want to change in order to do so.You can not make them.Your children can not make them.And therapy can not make them.If you do go to therapy and your partner cannot be truthful,then it is time for you to consider the rest of YOUR life.As my counselor said to me, "he is at the bottom and wants to take you with him.DON'T YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY?"Please,if you are in a bad relationship,ask yourself that question.The rest of your life is out there and depends on your answer.
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